When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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