I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
