He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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