why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
