so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
