Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
