Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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