omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
