found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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