yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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