I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
