did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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