I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
