If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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