you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
