I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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