a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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