I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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