i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
