If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
