i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
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Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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