dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
