After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
