Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
