I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
