marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
