It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
