based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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