I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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