Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize