'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
