You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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