i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
