Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
