apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
