Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
