This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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