Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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