i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But break dance skills will only take you so far
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
