at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
