Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
