just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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