just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
