Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
