We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's great music for shaving your balls
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
