it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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