Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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