She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
