I wish you could order shots online.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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