so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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