Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
