The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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