this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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