dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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