Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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