I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
