I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
