my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
