i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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