You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
