tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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