considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
