That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
