wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
