he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
