peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
