**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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