Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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