We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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