you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
