I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
