i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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