dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
