Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
