There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
