Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
