that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
