FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
