Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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